Christmas Cards

I remember when I was little, my mom would send out a massive amount of Christmas cards, and equally receive the same amount of cards in return. She would display them around the house and I would peak in them wondering who half those people were. As an adult, I took over my mom’s tradition, sending cards to people that I only see their name on a Xmas card once a year.

I’ve known a lot of people who keep tabs every year of who sends them a card. That’s how they determine who will get a card from them the following year. I’ve tried this, and it doesn’t feel right. Trust me, I don’t want to send cards every year to people I never hear from, but I prefer to send cards to people who have been there throughout the entire year. I still view it that way, minus the few family members that I feel obliged.

The older I get, the more I don’t see the point of sending cards. Most people don’t take the time to write in them, and you don’t hear from them all year anyways. I have a few members that send a photocopy of a family picture along with a typed letter of what is going on in the family. I find this extremely impersonal. The rest of the family rolls in laughter and refers to this as “brag letters”. If someone doesn’t have the time to tell me throughout the year what is going on in their lives, and only has time to send a letter that is photocopied to everyone, well, I really don’t care.

So now, I no longer have a “standard” list that I send to the same people every year. I don’t pay attention to who has sent the year before. I just send to the people who have mattered to me throughout the year. How do you send your cards?

Terrors of Online Dating

As much as I hate to admit it, I was online dating for a little over 2 years. I think it took me long enough to realize that this is not an experience I ever want to have again. Nothing against online dating...for the record, the crazy people are everywhere. 

I remember in my early 20’s, I was constantly reminded that I should meet people casually...such as the church, gas station, etc. So one day, I saw a cute guy park next to me at the grocery store. I was leaving and he was going in. I felt like an idiot and decided to wait for him to come back out and gave him my lame line of “Hey, you want to go out sometime?” Least to say, he was probably the craziest person I ever met...a married man who became my stalker. It took the police to get him away from me. What I’m trying to say is, if you are going to date, you will run into crazy people, no matter what your means are of meeting people.

During those 2 years, I gained enough experience to know how to sift through people. Why meet a person if you already know it’s not going to be a pleasant experience? Well, it certainly limited my online dates, but after all, I was just looking for one person.

Since I am a girl, I’m focusing this blog on what women should look for and what men shouldn’t do. Believe me, I have heard horror stories from men as well, and some of the things I say can go both ways. I seen this firsthand with my 60 year old dad who is computer illiterate, so I managed his account for him. I couldn’t believe he was getting more hits than I was, until I opened all the profiles, and all the girls were in their 20’s and super hot. I told him they were scammers...that some of them are not real people. The ones that are real people think “ah, an old man with lots of money”. If they only knew how “big” his disability check was. 

So here we go with the list for Online Dating for Idiots.

1. If you have a picture up, with half your head missing, I am aware you are bald. I may not care that you are bald, but the fact you are trying to hide it makes you look deceiving...what else are you going to “lie” about?
2. If you have a picture up only showing your face, I know you are hiding the rest of yourself for a purpose! Same consequences apply as in #1.
3. If you only have one picture up or a very vague profile, I know you are a fake person or someone who is just looking for a little action.
4. If you have no picture, or fuzzy, not easy to see pictures, you are married. If you really feel you can’t be seen online dating because of your profession, you really need to find another way to date. Besides, I know this is a lie, because you are really married. Did you know that 33% of people dating online are actually married?
5. If you have pictures up of hot girls hanging all over you, that is actually a turn on. If you are hot, you look like a player. If you are ugly, you look pathetic.
6. If your picture has a glossy, orange tint to it, or if you have a rat tail, I know your picture was from 1985.
7. For the record, I don’t care what your dog looks like. Oh wait a minute...or was that you?
8. As an example, if you are 45, and say on your profile you are looking for a girl between the ages of 21-30, don’t contact me. I’m 35. If you think you can have a good relationship with someone that young, then I’m assuming your mentality level is not high enough for me.
9. Speaking of age, date someone your own age. I would not date a 35 year old who has the age range of 28-34. Seriously? You can’t date someone your own age? As a joke, I one time set my age range to 21-34. Wow, did the older ones get upset. Well, same here.
10. Do not say you make over 100K a year, then look like you haven’t showered in a month, with the falling apart trailer in the background. If you have to lie, at least be consistent.
11. If you really make over 100K a year, don’t complain that you get people who are using you for your money. You advertised it. That’s what you get. You advertise it because you realize you have nothing but that going for you and any good girl, who isn’t after money, realizes that.
12. If a girl contacts you that is extremely better looking than you, get off your high horse. She just wants your money.
13. If you are 50 and land a hot 30 year old chic, she does not find you attractive. She just wants your money.
14. If you claim to be a doctor, misspell 2 syllable words and write in all caps, let me know where you work so I will be sure to never get medical attention from there.
15. If you in another state, I have no idea what you are contacting me. That goes for being 3 hours away as well.
16. Don’t state in your profile that you are looking for “that special someone”, when you are only looking for “that one thing.”
17. I appreciate good fathers who care about their kids, but if your time is that limited, you should not be dating.
18. If you write me an email saying, “hey babe” or “hey sexy”, I’m just going to assume you are a player, and I will never reply.
19. Girls have options. I’d pick the person who offers to take me out to dinner versus the person who just wants to meet over coffee. Sorry. It’s just a fact.
20. If you ask me questions that I answered in my profile, I know you didn’t take the time to read it.
21. If I say I’m a smoker, I wasn’t lying. I really am a smoker.
22. If I say I don’t want anymore kids, I wasn’t lying. I don’t want anymore kids.
23. If you put a great emphasis on finding a good looking girl, you appear to be shallow. Besides, the men who say that are usually the ones that need a bag over their head.
24. If you have small children, good luck. I’ve been there and I’m not doing it again. Most people are not interested in that situation, but if you tell me my kids are too old for you, I’m assuming you are looking for little children to molest.
25. If you call me at 8 p.m. on a Saturday night, asking me for a date, I’m assuming you are trying to get laid or just got stood up. For the record, you’ll never meet me.
26. If you start fighting with me on the phone before we ever meet, I’m thinking we are not off to a good start, and no, I’m not willing to meet.
27. If you never meet me, fight with me on the phone and decide to contact me again 6 months later, yes, I still feel the same. I still don’t want to meet.
28. Whether I meet you or not, texting me everyday, or once every 3 months is not making me interested in you. I am aware you have many girls texting you, and unfortunately for you, is your means of feeling “wanted” by lots of girls. I am not interested.
29. If I met someone and tell you that, what I am trying to say is “stop contacting me.”
30. I don’t care how hot you are. If you have 5 kids by 4 different women, I’m not interested.
31. If you are rich and famous and can’t stop talking about yourself, then it is true what your other dates are saying about you...you really are conceited, and yes, I’m thinking the same thing.
32. Don’t chase something better looking than you and wonder why you can’t find “love.”
33. If you are in your 40s and try to act cool with your 20 year old daughter and her friends, the only thing I have to say is, “grow up.”
34. If you are in your early 20s and contact me, of course I’m flattered, but I have a different agenda than you and that’s as far as it will go.
35. If you wait over a week to contact me after we meet, I’ve already moved on.
36. If you wrote a book, that’s great, but I really don’t want to spend the entire first date talking about it.
37. If I start dating you and you are incapable of participating in a conversation and have no emotions whatsoever except starting an argument, yep, I was still online dating that entire time.
38. If we decide to get off the online dating site and step up to webcam, if you suddenly become naked, I’m gathering my friends around laughing...and no, I will never meet you.
39. If you drive 3 hours away to meet me and get a hotel room, guilt trips for your long trip is not going to convince me to stay the night with you.
40. If you can’t hold a conversation and I meet someone on our date that does, is not grounds for keying my car.
41. If you are a psychology major and want me to take a bunch of online tests and share your results with me, I’m scared.
42. Calling me a bitch for standing you up is not going to suddenly make me like you.
43. Calling my phone at all hours of the night is not going to suddenly make me like you.
44. Bragging about past online dates that you have had is not going to make me like you.
45. When I meet you, just be yourself, because a disguise is hard to maintain for very long.
46. If you told me you were in a porn, but it was a really long time ago, uh, I’m no longer interested.
47. If your profile says you are currently separated, move along. If you decide to lie, again, a disguise is hard to maintain for very long.
48. If I get contacted by another girl online telling me what a rotten person you are, I’ll assume she is jealous or telling me the truth. Either way, I’ll assume your life is a drama fest.
49. If you are aware you are not good with relationships, perhaps maybe you should not be looking for one.
50. If you are old looking for 20 year olds, lets just assume your dating life is over. That is, unless you want to start looking in the nursing homes.

No Child Support...Should it be a Disability?

I know a disability is regards to having a mental or physical impairment, but what about financial? Out of our entire population, 34% of families are single parents.  Out of those 34%, only 62% actually receive child support. It's difficult enough to raise children on two incomes. I know it can be done on one income, but my child's quality of life would have been much different if the father actually stepped up to the plate.

I'm tired of watching children being treated as second class citizens.  If the absent parent is in jail or decides to "spread his seed" and pay $5 a month per child, the children have to pay for it, and unfortunately the parent who actually cares pays as well.

Our legal system is so messed up and these losers know how to play the system. They don't have a job so they are told to attend the seek work order once a week.  They have up to 3 months to find a job.  They find the job, pay one payment, quit the job and start the 3 month process all over. Sure, they could put the loser in jail, but they don't because he definitely can't pay while he is there.  Well, after 16 years of this, I think they would get the hint he's not going to pay regardless where he is.

Single parents are condemned for how they do things, what they can and can't do, but no one ever takes a look at the loser who does absolutely nothing. I was shocked when I seen videos posted online where dads are committing suicide because they can't afford their child support. The only difference if the parents were together are the shared cost of living (rent, utilities, etc.) so I don't know why they don't just go find a roommate. The parent who is there maybe frustrated with the situation, but the last thing they are going to do is take their own life because they KNOW their children need them. No sympathy from me. Sorry.

Of all the things the single parents has to do in a given day, I don't understand why that absent parent don't take a second job to make ends meet.  I would love to have the free time to work 2 jobs. Instead, we have to go to Human Services to get a lousy hundred bucks in food stamps and WE look like the losers. Everyone likes to complain about the welfare system, but usually the absent parent is the cause.

I guess it's only fair to say the root cause of this entire problem would be sex education.  God forgive me when I was 19 and trusting a 35 year old that he had a vasectomy. Least to say, I paid for my past bad judgment, but the "father" gets off scotch free.

I'm just wondering why the government doesn't ban Human Services and pay out support owed to these kids. I guarantee the loser will pay back the government before his own child. That would be less money the government would have to pay for workers, they could make money off the interests the loser owes, less crime would be committed, and most importantly, the lives of our children would be way better off. Someone please explain to me why this hasn't happened?

A single parent could go one second without taking the needs of a child and the child would be taken away or face some kind of implication, yet the absent parent could go days, months or years not taking care of ANYTHING and that's ok? I'm not getting it.

What has happened to our culture that absent parents treat their own flesh and blood like the scum of the earth? My mom went through the exact same thing. She went beyond her call of duty to make sure my basic needs (and then some) were met. However, because my own father chose to be the loser, I had to take it upon myself to take care of things as an adult that should have been taken care of when I was a child, and then I have to take care of my own child with no help at all? I'm tired of paying for all these losers mistakes.

I love my daughter, and I know she will end up reading this. She was definitely a blessing in disguise. I would just love to tell her no problem when she asks for a $50 class yearbook or a $100 class ring or that I have an extra $50 a month for dance classes. These things don't matter though, because it's beyond basic needs. Last year, I remember child support did a review and they wouldn't count that I had eye and dental as part of her insurance. I'm guessing eye and dental is beyond basic needs in their book. Again, I just don't get it.

I have a friend with three kids and the father owes her over $80,000. Now that the youngest is almost 17, he wants her to drop the arrearages. I'm still laughing about that one. She took care of his responsibilities all those years, but who cares, right? She gave him a loan. I don't give loans unless I want to, but sad as it is, there is no choice here.

I have another friend who never received support. She had four kids and was working a job at $9.00 an hour. The cost in daycare ate up most of her money. I asked why she even bothered and her response was "anything to get ahead". Ahead????? Seriously????

I admire myself...I really do, and all the single parents who do the best they can for their children. I don't mean to refer the loser as "he" because I do have a lot of guy friends who are doing a great job taking on the single parent responsibility.

Bottom line...I just want to know why the government can't take over the payments or at the very least, why the single parent can't apply for disability. It's not just financial, but there is only so much one person can do...it takes two to properly raise a child, so half of the single parent is missing. I don't know. Sounds like a disability to me.